雅思作文修改---范例(超详细)(2)

词汇：除了连接词使用恰当之外，文中很少见到一些闪光的词汇；还存在一些词语反复使用,benefit harm,何况这里harm用的语境感觉也不对，所以这句话我还得修改there are still lots of harm that computers can bring to children, such as negative information (egg. violence, pornography)

修改成： there are still lots of negative information such as violence, pornography bring to children via Internet.

语句：存在一些中式英语的问题，还有一些很勉强拼凑的复合句；让文章变得生涩难懂，雅思作文追求的是简单明了，能够在没有语法错误的情况下清楚表达作者观点，放在了评分的第一位；并不是复杂句越多得分越高，建议多多联系简单句，适当的使用复合句增强文章的表现力

附上范文一篇

Some individuals opine that computers and the internet have become an indispensable part of education and therefore schools and teachers do not play a significant role in education. Others say that for effective learning, schools and teachers are still indispensable. In the following paragraphs, I intend to discuss both views followed by my opinion.

It is an undeniable fact that teachers can never lose their importance. In learning and practice of more complex ideas, the computer is not adequate. It can tell if the answer is right or wrong but it cannot tell where the student went wrong. Tasks involving reasoning cannot be taught using computers. Moreover, teachers add their own knowledge gained through experience to that of books and other resources.

Furthermore, teachers can stimulate interest and it is an undeniable fact that interested stimulated people tend to learn more. They can keep students focused on study. They can provide a faster and simpler way to present information to the students. They can come down to the level of a student and so are definitely better than computers. What is more, teachers are role models for students. They are scholars in action. They not only teach academic subjects, but also many social skills.

Schools are places where students learn many social skills apart from academic education. There are also practical subjects which students can learn best from the teacher. For example, experiments of physics and chemistry are best learnt by the teacher guiding you at every step in the school setting. What is more, teachers in schools give assignments and regularly check them. This helps the teachers to recognise the weak points of students and guide them accordingly. All this cannot be done by the internet and computer.

On the other hand, it is also true that the internet is an ocean of knowledge. You can get information about any topic on Earth from the internet. But there is no authenticity of this information. What information to get and from where to get requires a lot of expertise. Students still need the guidance of the teachers at all stages of learning. Teachers can make even the dull and boring subjects seem interesting. So definitely students learn more from teachers.