生活大爆炸第四季剧本 S04E14

Series 4 Episode 14 – The Thespian Catalyst

Scene: A lecture hall.

Sheldon: Good evening. I’m your guest lecturer, Dr. Sheldon Cooper. I was expecting applause, but I suppose stunned silence is equally appropriate. I agreed to speak to you this evening, because I was told that you’re the best and the brightest of this university’s doctoral candidates. Hmm. Of course, that’s like saying you are the most important electron in a hydrogen atom. ‘Cause, you see, there’s only one electron in a hydrogen atom. Best and brightest, my sweet patootie. All right, let’s begin. Show of hands, who here is familiar with the concept of topological insulators? Don’t kid yourselves.

Scene: The apartment.

Leonard: I found another tweet from a student at Sheldon’s lecture. Dr. Cooper has taken a relatively boring subject and managed to make it completely insufferable. Plus, he looks like a giant insect.

Howard: Look. Listen to this one. Does Einstein’s theory explain why time flies when you’re having fun, but when you’re listening to Dr. Cooper, it falls out of the sky, dead?

Raj: Ooh, somebody took pictures and uploaded them to their Flickr account.

Leonard: Wow. How do you get an entire lecture hall to flip you off at the same time?

Howard: Apparently, if you’re Sheldon, all you need to do is turn your back.

Penny: Hey, Leonard, is your wi-fi down? I can’t get on.

Leonard: Oh, Sheldon changed the password. It’s now Penny is a freeloader. No spaces.

Penny: Thanks. What are you guys doing?

Leonard: Sheldon gave a lecture at the university tonight. We’re reading the reviews.

Penny: Oh. How’d he do?

Howard: Well, picture the Hindenburg meets Chernobyl meets Three Mile Island meets Tron 2.

Penny: That bad, huh?

Leonard: Read this woman’s tweet.

Penny: Listening to Dr. Cooper has made me want to start cutting myself again

Leonard: Yeah.

Sheldon: Good evening, Leonard, Howard, Raj, freeloader.

Howard: So, how’d the lecture go?

Leonard: In a word, triumphant.

Leonard: Really? Triumphant?

Sheldon: Oh, yes, you should have seen those young people. Thirsty for knowledge, drinking in my wisdom. I may have changed a few lives today.

Penny: Oh, please let me tell him.

Leonard: I don’t know, I kind of promised Howard.

Sheldon: Tell me what?

Howard: Actually, we should all share the moment. Raj, if you would.

Sheldon: Oh, tweets about my lecture. Hmm. That’s rather unfair. That’s downright cruel. Plus, insects have six legs. Yeah, I’m not familiar with the acronym KMN.

Leonard: Oh, uh, from the context, we think it means kill me now.

Sheldon: Well, I suppose everyone’s entitled to their own opinion. I think I’ll turn in. I didn’t want to teach those poopy heads, anyway.

Howard: FYI, I think that’s what Darth Vader said just before he started building the Death Star.

Scene: The Cheesecake Factory

Howard: Sheldon still moping?

Leonard: Yeah, it’s weird. Even though he didn’t want to give the lecture in the first place, being rejected by those students really hit him hard.

Raj: Mmm, I know the feeling. It’s like accidentally walking into a gay bar and then having no one hit on you. It-It happened to a friend of mine.

Bernadette: Are you guys doing okay?

Howard: Yeah, Leonard and I are fine, but I think Raj needs to meet a girl really soon.

Bernadette: Well, that shouldn’t be too hard. He’s such a cutie.

Raj: Thank you, but cute is for bunnies. I want to be something with sex appeal, like, like a labradoodle.

Howard: Labradoodle?

Leonard: We might be starting to zero in on your problem.

Bernadette: Don’t you listen to them. You’ve got plenty of sex appeal.

Raj: You really think so?

Bernadette: Yeah. You’re a hottie.

Raj: Well, thanks, Bernadette. And just for the record, labradoodles are hypo-allergenic, which is a very sexy quality to those troubled by animal dander.

Scene: The apartment.

Amy(on webcam, with an undersea background): So, what do you think?

Sheldon: It’s a charming illusion, but it does not cheer me up.

Amy: Not even when I do this? (Pretends to be a fish)

Sheldon: No.

Amy: Well, that was the last arrow in my quiver of whimsy.

Sheldon: Do you realize that teaching is the first thing I’ve failed at since my ill-fated attempt to complete a chin-up in March of 1989?

Amy: If this humiliating experience is really troubling you, there are things we could do about it.

Sheldon: For instance?

Amy: Well, the first thing that comes to mind is isolating the part of your brain where the memory is stored and destroying it with a laser.

Sheldon: Hmm, no. One slip of the hand, and suddenly I’m sitting in the Engineering Department, building doodads with Wolowitz.

Amy: All right. Have you considered improving your socialization skills, thus allowing you to communicate more effectively with other people?

Sheldon: Isn’t that their burden? I’m the one with something interesting to say.

Amy: Fair enough, but in its essence, teaching is a performance art. In the classroom paradigm, the teacher has the responsibility to communicate, as well as entertain and engage.

Sheldon: I sense that you’re trying to slow-walk me to an epiphany. Would you mind very much jumping to it? Amy: Perhaps you should consider taking acting lessons.

Sheldon: Acting lessons. Interesting. It might help if I could act as though I care about my students and whether or not they learn.

Scene: Penny’s apartment door.

Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny.

Penny: What?

Sheldon: You’re an (finger qu …… 此处隐藏：14487字，全部文档内容请下载后查看。喜欢就下载吧 ……