drinkers had been. And how she had suffered. But now, as he spoke, that memory faded. His was the truer. Yes, it had been a wonderful [Page 231] afternoon, full of geranium and marigold and verbena, and–warm sunshine. Her thoughts lingered over the last two words as though she sang them.

In the warmth, as it were, another memory unfolded. She saw herself sitting on a lawn. He lay beside her, and suddenly, after a long silence, he rolled over and put his head in her lap.

"I wish," he said, in a low, troubled voice, "I wish that I had taken poison and were about to die–here now!"

At that moment a little girl in a white dress, holding a long, dripping water lily, dodged from behind a bush, stared at them, and dodged back again. But he did not see. She leaned over him.

"Ah, why do you say that? I could not say that."

But he gave a kind of soft moan, and taking her hand he held it to his cheek.

"Because I know I am going to love you too much–far too much. And I shall suffer so terribly, Vera, because you never, never will love me."

He was certainly far better looking now than he had been then. He had lost all that dreamy vagueness and indecision. Now he had the air of a man who has found his place in life, and fills it with a confidence and an assurance which was, to say the least, impressive. He must have made money, too. His clothes were admirable, and at that moment he pulled a Russian cigarette case out of his pocket. "Won't you smoke?"

"Yes, I will." She hovered over them. "They look very good."

"I think they are. I get them made for me by a little man in St. James's Street. I don't smoke very much. I'm not like you–but when I do, they must be delicious, very fresh cigarettes.

3

现在听着他的描述，记忆渐渐地消失了，他所说的是真的。是的，那是个尽兴的下午，到处是花，而且——阳光明媚。她的思绪在后面这几个字间徘徊。想到那当时的阳光明媚，另一扇记忆的大门被打开了。她仿佛看到自己坐在草坪上，他躺在她的身边。突然，他翻转过来，头靠在她的膝上。

“我希望，”他用低沉而忧虑的声音说：“ 我多么希望我已经服了毒药，即将死去。就在此时此地。”

她弯下身靠近了他。

“啊，你为什么这么说？”

他轻柔地悲叹了一声，拿起她的手，贴在他的面颊上。

“因为我知道我非常爱你。为此我会非常痛苦的，维拉，因为你永远，永远都不会爱上我。”

他现在看上去比那时精神多了。从前梦幻般的迷惑和优柔寡断从他身上消失了。取而代之的是生活独立、成熟的气质。他一定也赚了不少钱。他的装束令人赞叹。这时，他从衣袋里掏出一盒俄罗斯香烟。

“抽烟吗？”

“好吧。”她俯身去看那些香烟。“看上去很不错嘛。”

“我是让圣詹姆斯街的一个矮个子给我搞到的。我吸烟不多，但每当我吸烟时，这些烟是那么清香诱人。对于我来说，吸烟还没有上瘾，而是一种奢侈品——像香水。你还是很偏好香水吗？